We recently asked our @CaddieNetwork Twitter followers to share with us the funniest lines or jokes theyve ever heard on the golf course. Hell be following me around like, Jack me off! Jack me off! You did it once! Do it yourself. The doctor says, Youve got a rare form of cancer. “Some cause happiness wherever they go. I failed math so many times at school, I cant even count. Dad comes to his son and tells him hes adopted. How he got in my pajamas, Ill never know. Welcome to All Things Foolish™ Daily Comedy Broadcast series featuring Comedy Vignette #118 which is your number one source for funniest one liner, funniest. Funniest One Liners Ever Heard. Funniest One Liners Ever HeardBest One Liners You Have Ever Heard. Some comedians use one-liners as a basis for their comedic method. Welcome to All Things Foolish™ Daily Comedy Broadcast series featuring Comedy Vignette #116 which is your number one source for funniest one liners ever hear. What is the best Friday of the year for the faithful? The Good Friday. I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now. The Stupidest Thing I Ever Heard In My Life Is That A Baby Is Smart. Golfer A: “Let’s get a group photo here on the first tee. The wife smiles, and says Thank you, that means a lot. Can You Handle These 65 Ridiculously Funny Medical Jokes?. Whats the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?. 3) Whats a comedians least favorite drink? [Booze] I threw a boomerang a few years ago. Transfer Your Debt and Pay 0% Interest Until 2024. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds “My phone will ring at 2am and my wife’ll look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?” I say, “I don’t know. 101 Funny Puns to Get You Giggling All Day. Thorax: A Dr. A man goes in to his doctors for an exam and the doctor says, Well, I have good news and bad news. The 20 best one-liners ever. 45 Funny, Clean Christian Jokes You Could Tell in Church. A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar. I failed math so many times at school, I can’t even count. 150 Best Friday Jokes to Get You Laughing, TGIF!. Groucho Marx and his brothers had an unmatched flair for comedy. The most one-liner jokes youll ever hear in a full comedy special might just be from Geechy Guy. Please continue while I take notes. 25 hilarious dad jokes that will make you laugh and groan. What do dentists call their x-rays? Tooth pics! 3. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a. Im afraid of speed bumps, but I am slowly getting over it. In the joke world hierarchy, one-liners are a gem: they’re easy to remember, take no time to tell, and if crafted just right pack a mightier punch than a joke with a longer set up. Friday is my 3rd best F-word after food and f…! Next: 69 Wine Jokes to Unwind Your Day. The Hide and Seek Champion from 1995. Here are some funny one liners to make you laugh: 1. What kind of concert only costs 45 cents? A 50 Cent concert featuring Nickelback. #1 Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions. I went back to sleep right away. 101 Good, Clean Jokes Thatll Make You Laugh. They asked me to follow my dreams. I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo. 110 of the funniest ever jokes and best one. Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. Bad jokes can be short, corny, punny, and deliver some of the best one-liners ever. Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween? It didn’t have a haunting license. Somebody stole all the toilets from the police station. ” Tommy Cooper “I was married by a judge. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?. ago I skydive and sometimes hear things like this around the drop zone: If your parachute fails, you have the rest of your life to fix it. Funny one-liners 1. 135 Best Dad Jokes That Are Actually Funny. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one. I was going to tell you a joke about boxing but I forgot the punch line. It is confirmed that taller people sleep longer. ” This one comes from Dorothy Parker who was the queen of good comebacks. I asked the IT guy, “How do you make a Motherboard?” He said, “I tell her about my job. Our list of the best one line jokes of all time are curated by the bunch of comedians that make. Bad jokes can be short, corny, punny, and deliver some of the best one-liners ever. The best funny one-liners Shutterstock Going to church doesnt make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. Absolutely hilarious one liners! The largest collection of the best one line jokes in the world. He approaches the dead mans wife, and asks if he could say a word. The 20 best one-liners ever. Why was the baby ant confused? Because all his uncles were ants. 01 of 24 Did Not See That Coming Via Getty Images/EvanKafka. Funny One Liner Jokes 1. Report 227 points POST THIS IS HILARIOUS 22 View more comments #2 Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen. ” – Milton Jones “I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim. The inventor of the throat lozenge died last month. RIP, boiling water. 145+ One-Liner Jokes As Punny As They Are Funny. – Demetri Martin “Years ago I used to supply Filofaxes for the mafia. - Milton Jones I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim. Funny Puns You Cant Help But Smile At — Best Life>109 Funny Puns You Cant Help But Smile At — Best Life. In this full special from Dry Bar Comedy, Geechy Guy lays d. But in medieval times people were named Lance a lot. (… Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke. com%2f1040121%2fmarynliles%2fone-liners%2f/RK=2/RS=ULUGahZ5t51fcFDAaZBsM3. 11 Extremely Funny One Liner Jokes “Do Transformers get car, or life insurance?” Russell Howard “I’m on a whiskey diet. When somebody says that you are. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds “My phone will ring at 2am and my wife’ll look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?” I say, “I don’t know. Dark Humor Jokes That Are Twisted, Morbid and Funny >100 Dark Humor Jokes That Are Twisted, Morbid and Funny. Via Getty Images/Michael Heim / EyeEm. I went to buy some camo pants but couldnt find any. Make sure to use extra sarcasm. Funny one-liners 1. My friend said: “You have a BA, a. ] 2) I threw a boomerang a few years ago. What guarantees to ruin your Friday? Learning that it. Try the seafood diet—you see food, then you eat it. 20 Funniest Quotes From Letterkenny. But dont worry, it is at the bottom of the things I want to do. I finally found a book on how to solve half my problems. The 20 best one-liners ever. funniest ever jokes and best one. The cops have nothing to go on. Moreover, they can always help you avoid silly moments of silence when youre with your friends. ” — @BHGolfEquipment ————————- 40. Thats when I knew we werent gonna work out. The 20 best one-liners ever. So a few years go my friend got viral meningitis, a swelling of the meninges that can easily kill you. You could read it as “seriously” or as “a joke didn’t. That reminds me of another one I heard: I want to go skydiving before I die. Youll be sure to brighten someones day when you unleash a hilarious joke when they least expect it. ” – Milton Jones “I had a dream last night that I was. See TOP 10 witty one-liners. If youd like to enjoy some more medical humor, one liners and funny hospital jokes, be sure to check out our collection of medical puns. My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the zoo A magician was going down a road and turned into a driveway How long is a Chinese name Last week a hypnotist convinced me that. Next: 75+ Funny What Do You Call Jokes. Funny One Liner Jokes 1. The Hide and Seek Champion from 1995. Youll be sure to brighten someones day when you unleash a hilarious joke when they. ] [Jerry Seinfeld uses this technique. Youll have trouble putting on your pants. Funny Ghost and Goblin Jokes Cavan Images Why do ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo. 80 Hilariously Funny Jokes 2023. 145+ One-Liner Jokes As Punny As They Are Funny. One of the classic best one liners. 75 Short Jokes for Adults and Kids That Are Actually Funny. I had a dream about being a muffler. [sobbing] I dont have any goddamn thumbs! Now jack me off, you piece of shit!. ” Tom Ward (2015) “I really wanted kids when I was in my early 20s but I could just. Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common? Theyre both Paris sites. I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. The other day I bought a thesaurus, but when I got home and opened it, all the pages were blank I have no words to describe how angry I am. With jokes about everything from mummies to zombies to pumpkins (and even some cheesy dad jokes), finding the perfect spook-tacular one-liner will be the least of your worries. What did one plate whisper to the other plate? Dinner is on me. I try not to tell dad jokes, but when I do, he thinks they’re. “Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. I just got my doctors test results and Im really upset about it. He keeps trying to convince me hes a compulsive liar, but I dont believe him. And you dont have to worry about these being clean: All of our favorite jokes are fit for kids and adults. What is in a ghost’s nose? Boo-gers. That reminds me of another one I heard: I want to go skydiving before I die. There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana – mafia. I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any. One liner tags: puns. Funny>75 Short Jokes for Adults and Kids That Are Actually Funny. ] 2) “I threw a boomerang a few years ago. How does the ocean say hello? It waves. Now get ready to make some memories filled with laughter with these 70 hilariously funny jokes! What falls, but never needs a bandage? The rain. Mitch Hedberg and Steven Wright, too. 11 Clean One Liner Jokes. But all mine ever says is goodbye. - Demetri Martin Years ago I used to supply Filofaxes for the mafia. I used to go fishing with Skrillex, but he kept dropping the bass. Comebacks Youll Wish You Knew Before. I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger each second; then it hit me! 33. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. com/_ylt=AwrFNKTruFZk8mIogqtXNyoA;_ylu=Y29sbwNiZjEEcG9zAzIEdnRpZAMEc2VjA3Ny/RV=2/RE=1683433836/RO=10/RU=https%3a%2f%2fparade. What did one plate whisper to the other plate? Dinner is on me. Oh, Im sorry, I didnt realize that youre an expert on my life and how I should live it. Why did Friday work out? It was a weak day for him. Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants! I poured root beer in a square glass. ]” [Jerry Seinfeld uses this technique. He was known for double meanings embedded in. The wife says that yes, he could. You could read it as “seriously” or as “a joke didn’t walk into the. Change is inevitable—except from a vending machine. Stop looking for the perfect match; use a lighter. Always remember that youre unique, just like everyone else. Welcome to All Things Foolish™ Daily Comedy Broadcast series featuring Comedy Vignette #118 which is your number one source for funniest one liner, funniest. The barman says, Sorry we dont serve food in here. The best funny one-liners Shutterstock Going to church doesnt make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. In the joke world hierarchy, one-liners are a gem: theyre easy to remember, take no time to tell, and if crafted just right pack a mightier punch than a joke with a longer set up. They are separated into three sub-layers called the dura mater, the arachnoid mater, and the pia mater. All rated by visitors and sorted from the best. Irreverent and honest, this one pickup line will get you a laugh when you deliver it right. Its incurable and you have three weeks to live. A one-liner, also known as a punchline in some cases, is a truly remarkable form of a joke. I’m a faux pa. Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. I was involved in very organised crime. Don Baird / Getty Images Advertisement 2. One liner tags: puns. I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo. Funny one-liners take a sophisticated observation about life or language and reframe it as a slyly “dumb” joke whose full comic power hits only after your brain unpacks it. What did Jonahs family say when he told them about what happened before reaching Nineveh? Hmm, sounds fishy. I never forget a face, but in your case Ill make an exception. Funny comeback: This one cuts deep “Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. 11 Extremely Funny One Liner Jokes “Do Transformers get car, or life insurance?” Russell Howard “I’m on a whiskey diet. Funny Ghost and Goblin Jokes Cavan Images Why do ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo. Now get ready to make some memories filled with laughter with these 70 hilariously funny jokes! What falls, but never needs a bandage? The rain. One liner tags: blonde, death, sarcastic, time 85. Here are some funny one liners to make you laugh: 1. Unfortunately, they’re often lumped in the same category as bad jokes. Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side. It was chasing its tail trying to make both ends meet. She got her looks from her father. Aug 22, 2022. I knew it! I wanna see my real parents ! Dad replies, We are your real parents, son. The best funny one-liners Shutterstock Going to church doesnt make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long. One liner tags: people, puns. I wanted to take a bath, but then decided to leave it where it is. I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. What are some of the best one liners you have ever heard? Try these on for size: a collection of our favorite gags from some of the worlds greatest comedians. Short jokes for kids What did the man say to his fingers? I’m counting on you. Why do you like Fridays that much? Friday is my second best F-word ever. Relationships are a lot like algebra. 25 Of The Best One Liners You Have Ever Heard. “A computer once beat me at chess. Our funny one-liner jokes are short, sweet and make you laugh. “Caddie told me it was a 5 iron to clear the water on a par 3, I. What did the grape say when it got. 100 Dark Humor Jokes That Are Twisted, Morbid and Funny. They’re also a great way to get a chuckle out of kids. The man stands up, clears his throat, and says Plethora. 101 Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember. 50+ Funny One Liners To Tell Friends. Some people think prison is one word, but to robbers, its the whole sentence. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds “My phone will ring at 2am and my wife’ll look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?” I say, “I don’t know. That way, when I do criticize him, Im a mile away and I have his shoes. Tumor: More than one, an extra pair. How do you follow Will Smith in the snow? You follow the fresh prints. Funny comeback: This one cuts deep “Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. Its never a good idea to keep both feet firmly on the ground. Music legends with some of the best old hound dogs they ever did know Puppy Love: The 25 Greatest Dogs in Pop Culture History Icons of classic films and TV, from Toto and Lassie to Uggie and a British beagle made entirely of clay. What did one plate whisper to the other plate? Dinner is on me. 40 Of Probably The Best One-Liner Jokes Ever. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds “My phone will ring at 2am and my wife’ll look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?” I say, “I don’t know. We found the funniest jokes around to tell all of your friends and family. A one-liner joke is a joke delivered in a single line. Some of the best jokes and one-liners youll ever hear come over the course of 18 holes with buddies, or even with strangers. The 20 best lines from W1A “I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time. Spend $500, Get $200 Fast With This Top Card. Report 158 points POST I just snorted my coffee. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. Be that as it may, if you want to read a joke, it is not a novel you are looking for but rather a quick comedic relief. One was assaulted. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one. ” Groucho Marx “The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally. Funny Examples of Irony in Real Life Our Hardest Riddles Ever Too Much Time I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time-consuming. First of all, it is so short that by telling it, you’ll never miss the ‘magical moment’ and will always leave your. Music legends with some of the best old hound dogs they ever did know Puppy Love: The 25 Greatest Dogs in Pop Culture History Icons of classic films and TV, from Toto and Lassie to Uggie and a British beagle made entirely of clay. ” 3) “What’s a comedian’s least favorite drink? [Booze]” I threw a boomerang a few years ago. “May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters. ≡ Best One Liners of All Time List. The Stupidest Thing I Ever Heard In My Life Is That A Baby Is Smart. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims. The 20 best one-liners ever. Pack your stuff, theyre waiting. Short jokes for kids What did the man say to his fingers? I’m counting on you. Outrageously Funny Groucho Marx Quotes. They often get worked up and dive into silly topics, but this one point of view that Wayne felt the need to mention is particularly memorable. ( Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke. Rodney Dangerfield nailed it. Pap Smear: Making fun of Dad Pathalogical: A reasonable way to go Pharmacist: Person who makes a living dealing in agriculture Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis Post Operative: A letter carrier Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery Rectum: Almost killed him Red Blood Count: Dracula Secretion: Hiding something Seizure: Roman Emperor. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, my love. 1) “Have you ever noticed… [fill in with something you find interesting or funny. I wanted to take a bath, but then decided to leave it where it is. This one is so bad you just have to laugh at it. 50 One-Liners from Stand-Up Comedy Legends / Purple Clover Classic jokes that still stand up Classic jokes that still stand up Purple Clover Relationships Marriage Sex Dating Memoirs Family. Hilarious Comebacks Youll Wish You Knew Before. 1) “Have you ever noticed… [fill in with something you find interesting or funny. zwRI- referrerpolicy=origin target=_blank>See full list on parade. Most of these cute one liners are from the iconic comedians and others are from random people. What did one DNA say to the other DNA? Do these genes make me look fat? 3. There was no coffin at his funeral. What is the funniest one liner you know? : r/AskReddit. 42 of the funniest lines youve heard on the golf course. Funny Groucho Marx Quotes. The other day I bought a thesaurus, but when I got home and opened it, all the pages were blank… I have no words to describe how angry I am. A man is at the funeral of an old friend. ” This one comes from Dorothy Parker who was the queen of good comebacks. They make us groan, say “Are you serious?”, and, of course, make us chuckle. Why do you like Fridays that much? Friday is my second best F-word ever. If women were boogers, Id pick you first. — ciprex 02 of 24 Well, Well, Well, Very Funny Via Getty Images/Arsenio Marrero. Most of these cute one liners are from the iconic comedians and others are from random people. Turns out, Im not gonna be a doctor. I should have asked for a jury. Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the Boos. Via Getty Images/Michael Heim / EyeEm. Im not a fan of spring cleaning. Mater is Latin for mother, since their primary function is to protect the central nervous system. Pap Smear: Making fun of Dad Pathalogical: A reasonable way to go Pharmacist: Person who makes a living dealing in agriculture Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis Post Operative: A letter carrier Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery Rectum: Almost killed him Red Blood Count: Dracula Secretion: Hiding something Seizure: Roman Emperor. “What is worse than ants in your pants? Uncles” – Unknown 3. They are separated into three sub-layers called the dura mater, the arachnoid mater, and the pia mater. Always borrow money from a pessimist. What did one DNA say to the other DNA? “Do these genes make me look fat?” 3. 109 Funny Puns You Cant Help But Smile At — Best …. 145+ One-Liner Jokes As Punny As They Are Funny. Punchy, concise, and clever, they often make use of play on words, double meaning, or double-entendre. One liners are great. The best funny one-liners Shutterstock Going to church doesnt make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. A man goes in to his doctors for an exam and the doctor says, Well, I have good news and bad news. Welcome to All Things Foolish™ Daily Comedy Broadcast series featuring Comedy Vignette #116 which is your number one source for funniest one liners ever hear. With well over 100 responses submitted, we narrowed the list down to 42 of. #1 Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions. And Im like [laughing] No, you go ahead and jack off the dog, he follows me around too much as it is. We found the funniest jokes around to tell all of your friends and family. Our list of the best one line jokes of all time are curated by the bunch of comedians that make. Groucho Marx and his brothers had an unmatched flair for comedy. ” (Long pause) Golfer B: “Yeahhow ‘bout YOU take it?” — @JerryLouLooper ————————- 41. A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar. Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, Im not going to go spreading it!. 50 One-Liners from Stand-Up Comedy Legends / Purple Clover Classic jokes that still stand up Classic jokes that still stand up Purple Clover Relationships Marriage Sex Dating Memoirs Family. What is worse than ants in your pants? Uncles - Unknown 3. 01 of 24 Did Not See That Coming Via Getty Images/EvanKafka. What guarantees to ruin your Friday? Learning that it was only a Thursday. Two peanuts walk into a bar, one was assaulted. The man says, Give me the bad news first, Doc. Which day do potatoes fear the most? Fry-days. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds My phone will ring at 2am and my wifell look at me and go, Whos that calling at this time? I say, I dont know. Some of the best one-liner comedians include Milton Jones, Shappi Khorsandi, Jimmy Carr, Tim Vine and Steven. Lets be honest, Im not into summer, fall, or winter cleaning either. Steal these classic one-liner jokes in our collection of the best one-liner jokes from experts in funny like Milton. 105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds “My phone will ring at 2am and my wife’ll look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?” I say, “I don’t know. And, to use as few words as possible and still. Now get ready to make some memories filled with laughter with these 70 hilariously funny jokes! What falls, but never needs a bandage? The rain. As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. 1) Have you ever noticed… [fill in with something you find interesting or funny. Parties, school, worktheyre guaranteed to make you the coolest cat in town. is the funniest one liner you know? : r/AskReddit>What is the funniest one liner you know? : r/AskReddit. Did you hear they arrested the devil? Yeah, they got him on possession. Funny comeback: This one cuts deep “Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. Funny Jokes About Friday. You can pull these out of your back pocket when you’re in need of something funny on the fly along with the funniest one-liners, some “what do you call?” jokes, and even something to get. The creative prowess of a writer, or a jokester, in this case, shines through the most when concentrated in the least possible words. 20 View More Replies View more comments #3. Reply 9 69ingJamesFranco • 9 yr. Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. Wayne While Wayne and the others are often busy with chorin they certainly still make time for a lot of immature conversations. – Demetri Martin “Years ago I used to supply Filofaxes for the mafia. Explanation: “No joke” has a double meaning here. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. “A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated.